Comments on Steam Kettle Parents: A Little Cheese With That Whine?

The minute they need so much is the minute when yo...

2008-07-01T16:07:00.000-07:00

The minute they need so much is the minute when you have nothing left to give. That is the truth! There is a direct negative correlation between how much they need/want you and how much attention you can give. Just try picking up the phone and pretending to dial it...they'll come running from the other room needing something! As always, great article, Beth!

Great feedback and thoughts you two. Chris and I ...

2008-07-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

Great feedback and thoughts you two. Chris and I have tried the Doug and Wendy Whiner routine for Harp. And although it's funny and makes us all laugh for a couple of minutes, the whines return shortly thereafter. Just life in parenting. The minute they need so much is the minute when you have nothing left to give.

I wonder if there is an evolutionary biologist out...

2008-07-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

I wonder if there is an evolutionary biologist out there who can comment about the pitch of voices. I know that this is an issue with women--women with higher pitched voices aren't perceived as being authoritative or powerful. Perhaps because subconsciously we associate higher pitched voices with children's voices and hence with whiny voices.

I do wonder if it isn't just about the pitch and cadence. That if children used a whiney voice and attitude to describe mundane or even wonderful things we would also find it annoying. Imagine your daughter/son describing a day at school or what they had for lunch in a whiney voice and manner--you'd go bonkers no doubt.

But how to explain this to a 5 year old? You got me--maybe you could role play with her. Not when you are all in a negative quadrant, but you could say, you be the mommy and I'll be the daughter and lets see what happens when I whine.

Of course, this advice is coming from a non-parent, but in my head I think it'd be amusing to see what happens!

Great question, Bethie.Is there some kind of biolo...

2008-06-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

Great question, Bethie.

Is there some kind of biological benefit to whining that we don't see?

In doing a little bit o' reading about whining, I come to understand that whining is what children do when they are feeling disconnected. They are seeking a true connection, and maybe that's why it's irritating to us. Because at that moment, we don't want to be connected. I think that every parent needs time of disconnect, or time during which they can connect with themselves or a partner or a friend. We need time off from being parents more often than it happens in our modern world.

I like to thing that in days gone by, when villages really did raise a child, children didn't want for this same kind of connection as much because they were getting it from other sources. Mom was busy pounding some grain into a powder, so child would wander over to the spiritual leader's place or to the village clown to find some connection or entertainment, there. Everyone knew this child, and could help the little one feel important and cared about. Their self-esteem was being built up by so many more folks than current lifestyles allow.

We are now isolated into these little families, and children have fewer outlets and chances for connection. As a result, they feel powerless and resort to whining to try to gain some connection.

As far as the high-pitched voice causing distress, it's interesting, isn't it? I think it connotes a kind of manipulation that isn't present in the regular neediness of being a kid. All this said, I must tend to my little one who is crying out in his sleep. Much less annoying because I can't honestly say that he's being manipulative in his sleep!