A Couple of Gems for Wider Distribution

Things are always funnier when your own kid says them, but I thought these two scenes warranted wider distribution. First a bit of background. A while back, our friend and housemate Adam coined the term "adult words," a perfect way to describe swear words to the underage. What a perfect compromise, I thought - a stroke of genius. In one moment, I settled my inner conflict about profanity and the power we give arbitrary words with the social strictures of language in the public schools. So, I can still use colorful language at home, but if the principal calls with a report that Harper is swearing like a sailor at least I have a game plan, something I can tell the administration that makes me feel like a responsible parent.

Other "adult" concepts have followed - adult drinks, adult conversations, adult time, adult jokes (mostly because irony is so difficult to explain to a six-year-old.) The "adult" concept is so much a part of our lexicon that I hardly even think about it; we just make the correction and move on. It's really helpful. The first time Harp said, 'that's fuckin' funny" at the dinner table, I said, "right back at ya young one," enforced the "adult word" rule and continued eating my dinner. Harper is steeped in the "adult" concept, but Rose, well, you can see for yourself.

She was sitting across from me at lunch the other day talking/singing/humming to no one in particular when I heard her say:

"Fuck yeah"

My head jerked up but she was still looking down. And as if her own shocking language surprised herself, she continued:

"Oooooooh. That's bad. You shouldn't say that. That's an adult word, Rosie Margaret."

Done reprimanding herself, she ate a piece of apple and carried on.

Later that same day, I had a precipitous dip in my mood. There were tears, blah blah, same deal - same brain mystery. Rose was sitting next to me on the couch as I channel surfed between crying jags. She scooted nearer and nearer to me. She looked up at me and said,

"Are you sad, Mama?"
"Yeah, I'm a little sad today hon, but I'm okay."
"I could get you an ice pack or sumfing."(maybe brain numbing wouldn't be so bad)
"Oh, that so nice sweet girl," I answered, "but I'm okay."
"I could get you some medicine or sumfing."(maybe a little Xanax?)
"Oh, hon, I don't need any medicine. But thanks."
"I could get you an adult drink or sumfing."

The girl really picks up on way more than I give her credit for. I took the drink......... and a well deserved lesson on the developing intellect of my two-year-old.