I really hate repetition. One of my many and varied challenges as a parent comes when I have to say the same thing three or more times. Deep breathing, internal screaming, wine - I tap several resources throughout the day. Then there's the everyday repetition; "Pick up your underpants, eat your cereal, put on your shoes, how many times have I told you to put on your shoes? Five times?" The kids have a role too; "What underpants; I am eating my cereal; where are my shoes; three times, you've told me three times to put on my shoes, mom, don't exaggerate?
No task with children, even the simplest request, is without repetition.... several times a day. Repeat repeat, repeat again. The script the other day went like this and it actually happened pretty much like this:
SETTING: Harper enjoys new Tinker Toys. Builds windmill, convincing her parent at first glance that she will be a famous architect or structural engineer. Enter younger sister, sleepy, emerging from nap........interested in new toy. All structural elements from new toy already employed in windmill. Tension ensues. Voices are raised.
ACT I
Mother: Harp, you need to take apart the windmill so your sister can play with it too.
Harper: But it's really special. Why can't I keep it the way it is?
Harper: But I really want to.
Mother (still evenly) Sorry, hon. It's not fair to keep all the pieces for your windmill.
Harper: Maybe I can just keep it for a week, then take it apart.
Mother (less evenly): I said no, Harper. Please take it apart now. Thank you.
Harper (pleading): But why does (insert annoying younger sibling here) have to play with it? She has tons of other things to play with.
Mother (unevenly with emphasis): Haaaaarper, take.....the....toy....apart...now... so your sister can play with it too.
Harper (whiny pleading, slightly teary): But mom, can't I just keep it this way for a little while?
Mother (rocky): I've already said no, Harper. How many times do I need to say it?
Harper: But......
Mother (rocky with emphasis): No. And I hate this repetition; I'm really freakin' tired of repeating myself. Take it apart now, in one....two......
She starts taking it apart. But not before I launch into:
ACT II
Mother: Hey, you want a peanut butter sandwich?
Harper (indignantly, still taking apart the windmill): No.
Mother: Are you sure?
Harper: Yes.
Mother: Are you really sure? What about half?
Harper (dismissively): I don't want a peanut butter sandwich.
Mother: Really? What if I cut it into squares, take the crusts off and put extra jelly on?
Harper (pissy): I'm not hungry - I DON'T want a sandwich.
Mother: Really? Are you sure? Because I could just make it and then you could it eat it later. You might be hungry later.
Harper: I won't be hungry later.
Mother: You sure?
Harper (totally annoyed): Yes.
Mother: Want me to stop asking you the same question over and over again?
Harper: Yes.
Mother: Isn't it annoying when you have to repeat yourself over and over again?
Harper (dissolving into laughter): Totally annoying.
Mother (chuckling): Yeah, I'm with ya on that.
Score one for Mom. Wish I could remember sarcasm more often - powerful weapon in my arsenal.
5 drops of goodness:
I recently heard someone say, "let's all use our power of humor for good instead of evil." I keep trying to remember that. So, you've now convinced me to add power of sarcasm to the list of things I will try to use only for good...most of the time.
Sher,
Thanks for the great post. It's debatable whether sarcasm as a teaching tool in parenting is good-natured or a a last ditch effort to avoid that third glass of wine, but I appreciate your trust in me, however misplaced. Let's have dinner woman!
Dinner = anytime. I would love to see you! I have fab new bf too, so we can do couples too.
That was a really special windmill... and now it's gone forever. Why must you be a slave to fossil fuels?
Yeah Chuck, but then Rose built a desalination plant, so I figured it was a push.
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