Camp Woes

Summer camp is great right? I have nothing but fond memories of those hot, sticky camp days, filled with watermelon, sweat, singing, crafts and easy friendships. When I signed up Harp for summer camp, I thought I was giving her a gift, her first camp, her first days of non-stop fun with water-play, art and exhausted, sun-filled goofiness. Not so much. And I'm slowly starting to realize that a pattern is emerging. It goes something like this:

1) Mom has memories of childhood
2) Mom attempts to recreate memories of childhood using child as vessel of nostalgia
3) Mom is surprised, nay...flabbergasted when child doesn't like cool things
4) Mom moves quickly through less dramatic stages of grief, arriving at "acceptance,", before child requires big contribution to therapy fund
5) Mom contributes to therapy fund anyway

This sequence has happened enough that I should probably get a clue. But it's not always black and white, not always clear what she will and will not like. Soccer was a favorite on the playground, perfectly aligning her running and energy, but when she finally had a place on a team, she balked, participating only with incentives and then only half-heartedly. So we're done with soccer.

Wash, rinse, repeat with several sports and activities, save horseback riding where she was forced to prepare the horse for an hour, including cleaning up poo for five minutes before she was allowed to mount the beast. Go figure. So, I'm spinning a little on kids and activities. Some days I want to give up, to have our summer days filled with only lazy, unstructured play. It's supposed to be good for them, for their executive function. Turns out, unstructured play might be great for brain development but too much of a good thing can make mama coocoo. And Harp's bored out of her mind inside of an hour; and if her friends on the block are otherwise occupied, it gets ugly fast. So, like everything else I try to find a balance, some activities, some down time.

I just really thought she'd love camp - that she'd come back exhausted, overflowing with new songs, new experiences, sun burns and chlorine. Again, not so much. And I thought that this camp was perfect for her energy, for her balls-to-the-wall energy. And then one night last week, it hit me like a mac truck. I've been trying, in earnest, with the best of intentions, love in my heart, eye on the prize to match her energy with her activities........instead of matching her interests with her activities. When will I realize that she's not me?