The Best Laid Plans

Harp and Rosie went to Gramma's today. What would the world be without Grammas? I have five days totally without kids. Let me restate because it sounds a little unreal - five days.....without whining, serving food, interrupted phone calls, butt wiping, serving food, negotiating, or serving food. My girls are both good eaters. I've been planning this week for a while now because for the past several months, I've wanted to redecorate the girls' room. Well, redecorating commonly implies a decorating phase completed and revisited. Not so in this case. Our girls live in a very functional bedroom - places to sleep, put toys, store their thousand books and their clothes. And it's not very pretty.

I never thought they needed the Pottery Barn bedroom. I mean, the catalog pictures make me drool, with all those deliciously coordinated bedroom sets, chiffon butterfly bed tents and monogrammed storage bins. And part of me is dying to give the girls a bedroom like that. But the other part of me is solidly anti-consumerist. I don't really want to buy more crap, because I've been sold a bill of goods and pretty pictures. (Nothing against those pretty pictures K - you kick ass). But, I've struggled with the dilemma for a long time. I want my home to look nice, but I cringe at the thought of little hands abroad stitching into the night so Harper can have a ladybug pillow sham. Troubling. So, I always think before I buy - new stuff versus exploitation. Hmmmmm.

In the end, our life is a balance and I relented a little on the consumerist angle. Because...basically I'm weak. That, and a couple months back, we went to visit a recently remodeled friend's home and when Harp went into the little girl's room her eyes lit up like fireflies. "Such pretty things mama, " she turned to me and whispered. It was Pottery Barn in all its sweetness, with none of the faux monogrammed homeyness. A real room, light and lived-in and absolutely beautiful. I knew then that I wanted to give them a little bit of this sweetness, to spread just the finest layer of pixie dust on their room, so she could walk in and feel the light and pretty things all around her. I would combine a discount at Pottery Barn, some Ikea knick knacks and some Home Depot paint for the final effect- not a whole room from the catalog, but a nice change nonetheless and one the girls would love. Oooh and it was to be a surprise. But.....the best laid plans of mice and mothers often go awry.

Because when the time approached to go to Gramma's so I could implement the surprise, Harper resisted. The end of Kindergarten, as it turns out, had been traumatic - a difficult and emotional transition, requiring a few days of parental soft shoeing. I feel like I should have anticipated this, seen the magnitude of the end of her first year of school, but I missed it entirely. While I'm trying to secretly arrange the care, materials and transportation to put my plan into action, Harp kept losing it, crying that she didn't want to go to Grammas at all, which she loves. In turn, I shared a bit of my plan - that a surprise waited for her upon her return, that Dad and I had a really great project to do, just for her and she would love it. Well, contrary to its intended effect, the new information caused more tears, more resistance. And I finally gave up on the surprise. Hard for me because I love a good surprise. I told her our plan and showed her all the pretty things that she would see in her bedroom upon her return. Well, what do think happened? Another round of tears, more resistance, a sudden aversion and pointed distaste for yellow paint and polka dots.

I really had no other choice. I had to promise not to do anything while she was away. Not to touch the window frames that have no paint around them, not to replace the scuzzy creme carpet with a bright chenille rug, not to touch her bed with its mountainous pile of stuffed animals and mismatched linens. Just leave it as it is. Letting go is the hardest thing. It's what I wanted more than what she wanted right now and I guess if she needs it ugly, it'll have to stay ugly.

But, these are some of the hardest times for me as parent, just trying to show them how much you love them with little things....when those little things get flung back in your face, suddenly becoming markers of parental control rather than affection. Best laid plans....

Chris is the one who finally suggested that we let it go, that the End of an Era in Kindergarten was really the issue. So I took a deep breath and put the new quilt back in the box. Maybe Harp and I can try again later in the summer, when she's a little less sensitive and when yellow paint once comes back into favor. But I've got no more plans, just gonna roll.